She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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