YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
