she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
