omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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