Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
