your parents love me but you hate me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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