I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
