dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
