he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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