So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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