Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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