I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
