Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
