I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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