Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
