At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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