Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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