Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
