I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
