so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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