I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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