How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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