he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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