No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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