last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
