theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
