Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
