No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
