You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
