I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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