Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
