Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
They have beer where we have blood.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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