You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
