just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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