I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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