You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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