Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Don't forget I'm 20 now

(1-586): View more from Michigan

I liked you more when you were 19

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(936): View more from Texas

Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....

Fav 16 1009 5477
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(817): View more from Texas

I showed him my bush... on skype.

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(512): View more from Texas

She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass

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(773): View more from Illinois

I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.

Fav 13 4204 1004
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(304): View more from West Virginia

i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.

Fav 22 4456 905
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(303): View more from Colorado

Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.

Fav 2 19 50
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(402): View more from Nebraska

they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...

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