Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
