She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
