Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
