so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
