i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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