he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
