omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize