I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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