there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
