She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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