i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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