3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're my little dorito
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
