Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
