college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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