apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
