My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He passed out mid-signature
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
