You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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