You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My feet surprised me
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