I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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