so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
