Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I didn't shave. On purpose
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
