just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
