she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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