Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
