At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
