Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
