so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
