I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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