if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
