There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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