Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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