i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
