If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
