So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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