No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
