Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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