Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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