Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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