By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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