Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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