you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
