I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
