Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize