Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
