you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
there is glitter all over my balls
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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