Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love you. Go after that dick
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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