one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
