i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
