I hope mine doesn't look like that
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
