I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
