so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize