how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
