Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your penis caused this!
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