I think I am morally bankrupt
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
