I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
