There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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