Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
