video games are the ultimate cock blocker
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
