She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
