Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
