I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize