You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
