I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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