cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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